Shame: Are you burdened with social stigma or self-doubt?
Alcoholics Anonymous, the 12-step program for those who have experienced alcoholism, began amidst shame and suspicion in the 1930s. Today, the organization and its members have become mainstream. When someone at a dinner party says, “No thanks, I’m in AA,” when offered a glass of wine, there is often respect and even admiration at such self-discipline.
Contrast that sentiment with the reaction when someone reveals he is in recovery for sex addiction: a quiet hush falls over the group, followed by a period of awkward silence. Someone abruptly changes the subject, and the poor man, who is learning to be more vulnerable, wishes he would’ve kept his big mouth shut.
The stigma that once enshrouded those in AA recovery has faded a bit over time. That same stigma for those experiencing other types of addictions, however, remains persistent. There is a strong stigma that accompanies the notion of sex addiction: “child molester,” “voyeur,” “exhibitionist,” “pervert,” etc. These more rare forms of sexual behavior are at the extreme fringe of an epidemic that now affects millions around the world. It was in fact Dr. Patrick Carnes, noted expert in the field of sex addiction recovery, that said, “Sexual addiction is an epidemic.”
That stigma, the weight of public judgment, and the misunderstanding of many all contribute to a huge burden the sex addict is carrying: the weighty burden of shame.
Self-reflection: Do you recognize the patterns of shame in your own life? How is shame causing destruction for you?
What is shame? Where does it come from? And what, if anything, can be done about it?