The Myth of the Magic Bullet
Some years ago, when I began the journey toward healing from the deeply-buried pain of being relinquished by my birth mom, I heard about a guy who once struggled, figured it out, and was now a counselor, telling others how to “be fixed.”
I had to meet him and learn the “secret.” I thought 2 months max and I’m outta here.
Well… huh. It didn’t work out that way. To make a long story short, over the years that I worked with him, I gradually had to accept the news that there is no “secret;” there is no magic bullet.
But I did learn that there is hope for change - it just wasn’t in the form I was expecting.
Fast forward to today. I’m reading a book about compulsive behavior on the internet. There is a chapter titled, “Changing the Way You Live.”
Wait a second. Changing the way you live?
Yes - that’s correct. Lifestyle change.
It’s a good news/bad news thing. The bad news is there isn’t a protocol to follow or a simple “just do this instead” set of instructions.
“It’s not really the Internet or cybersex that has been casting a shadow over you; rather it’s that you’ve been in the shadow of yourself. Once the barrier is down, you will start on a journey that will help you expose your shadow self and see who you really are.”1 (emphasis mine)
The good news is you will most likely really love the person you are becoming.
Lifestyle change is hard. Anyone who has tried a new diet or exercise regimen knows that.
Many, including me, have said, “I can change by myself;” “I work best alone;” or “I cannot give anyone the whole story.” (I love this one, BTW!)
Some more good news is that there is help and support available. I’ve been on the journey towards freedom from sexual compulsion for over 16 years. I get that this is scary. I get that there’s probably a lot of shame involved. But when you decide you’re ready, the truth is you CAN do this.
It does require a lifestyle change. It does require a journey. But you don’t have to do it alone. No matter where you are on the planet, there is support here for you. Don’t stay isolated any longer. Join us. You’ll be so glad you did!
You CAN do this - welcome to YOUR healing!
1Carnes, Delmonico, and Griffin; In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior, 153.