Four Things You Can Do Now to Bring an End to the Message of Shame and Negative Self-Talk

Although shame is often a loud and convincing voice, there is much that can be done to counter its negative message and bring about peace and self-assurance. Here are four things you can begin to incorporate into your daily life starting today to replace the message of shame with the truth about how amazing you really are:

1. Create a shame inventory.

Take a blank sheet of paper and divide it into four equal columns. Label them from left to right as follows: What was the event? What message did I take from it? What do I recognize about this situation now? What is my new message to myself? Record as many events as you can remember. See the example below.

What was the event? When I was 10, my dad yelled at me in front of my friends for talking back.

What message did I take from it? I always make people angry.

What do I recognize about this situation now? Everyone loses their temper occasionally. It’s not about me. I’m a good person.

What is the new message to myself? I bring joy to others.

2. Write some affirmations.

If you’ve done step one above, this will be easy. Take the new message to yourself from column four and write it as an affirmation. Turn all of your column four statements into affirmations. Pick an affirmation for the day. Write it over and over (at least 10 times). Post it by the mirror or in the car.

Examples:

I am worthy.

I am lovable and capable of loving others.

People love to be around me.

I attract kind people.

Abundance is flowing to me.

3. Commit to only using positive self-talk.

Recognize the negative things you say to yourself. Become aware of what’s going on in the mind. Really listen. Begin to correct that by committing to repeat only self-supportive messages. Relationships are most fulfilling when each party treats the other with loving care. Take time during the day to do the same for yourself even if it’s only a few minutes.

4. Mirror work. This can be difficult at first, but stick with it!

Look at yourself in the mirror. Look into your eyes. As you do this, pick one of the above affirmations you created and repeat it to yourself. Or try, “I love and accept you just the way you are.” If it seems overwhelming, start with something neutral (“I am not a bad person.”) or slightly positive (“I am a good person.”) If you try it and it’s a disaster, that’s ok. Try again tomorrow. It takes time to reverse years of negative programming. Be gentle. Try writing about it: “What comes up when I try this? What is this telling me?” Be patient and stick with it. This new habit will work!

Self-reflection: What comes up as you hear yourself say these affirmations out loud?

“Loving the self, to me, begins with NEVER, EVER criticizing ourselves for ANYTHING.”

-Louise Hay (emphasis mine)